Between Comfortable Life and Fufilling Life

“It is an unwise decision. You will have no job, no house, and no money,” my boss tried to be polite by replacing ‘stupid decision’ with ‘unwise decision’. Using CBA (Cost-Benefit Analysis), he is right. The CBA of my decision on not renewing my contract is clearly negative. I will lose $60,000 yearly income, a comfortable villa with a swimming pool by the beach in Bali, luxurious rooms of 5-star hotels during the trips, and business class seats of Garuda flights. However, I did not change my mind based on this ‘normal’ analysis.

A year ago, I had no choice but postponing my Sulawesi project launching and worked with the company: I had no money at all. This year, I do not have enough money to run the project for a full year, but have some money to run the project for about six months. Afterward, the prospect is not so bright based on the amount fund I had received in the last six months: $175 from the bake sale by the students of grade 1 of Green School and $320 from tarsier book sale by grade 3 of Dyatmika School, both schools in Bali.

It is hard to explain why I am not sensible in this decision making process. Why should I care about the biodiversity loss if I am still able to enjoy the biodiversity, while living comfortably from my steady income, until the end of my life—must be no longer than twenty years, I believe—and I have no child to inherit its beauty? I have tried to find hidden motives; money is obviously not the motive because it is unlikely I will receive hundred thousands of dollars donations within a year; the fame could be, but the chance of being famous is very slim because I do not have a worldwide social network, and, moreover, I have never liked to stay on the stage. I believe it is the peaceful feeling and wonder when I am in the middle of beautiful nature looking at the wildlife is the drive of my ‘stupid decision’.